Beer & mosquitoes

 

Warning: Brains required

 

Scrabble

This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in a while.  Someone out there  must be "deadly" at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)!

PRESBYTERIAN: 
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER: 
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:

When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:  
When you rearrange the letters: 
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters: 
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters: 
HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY: 
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters: 
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters: 
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: 
When you rearrange the letters: 
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: 
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES: 
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: 
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters: 
WOMAN HITLER

Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!!
DON'T FORGET TO SHARE THIS

An Obituary printed in the London Times - Interesting and sadly rather true.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing

Es usted médico?

Una señora, con su hijito de 4 años, está comiendo en un restaurante.

En un descuido, el chico mete una moneda en la boca y se atraganta.

La madre intenta hacerle escupir la moneda golpeándole la espalda, dándole palmadas en el cuello, sacudiéndolo, sin éxito.

El chico ya comienza a dar muestras de asfixia y la madre, desesperada, comienza a gritar pidiendo auxilio.

Un señor se levanta de una mesa cercana, y con pasmosa tranquilidad sin decir palabra alguna, le baja los pantalones a la criatura, toma sus pequeños testículos, los aprieta con fuerza, y tira hacia bajo violentamente.

Al mismo tiempo, le mete el dedo mayor en el culo en seco.

Automáticamente, el niño -ante el dolor irresistible- escupe la moneda, y el señor, con la misma pasmosa tranquilidad con la que se acercó, regresa a su mesa sin decir palabra.

Al rato, la señora, ya tranquilizada, se acerca para agradecerle que haya salvado la vida a su hijo, y le pregunta:

- ¿Usted es médico?

- No señora, soy funcionario de la Agencia Tributaria.. .

Xmas' season